Getting Lose again

What a bad day! Messenger cannot sign in, efes cannot log in. Everything i want to do also cannot do, just only can play facebook, friendster and blogger only. Even restart again still cannot use, internet and connection is going well but what's the fault going on??!!! Damn angry!! I'm just had myself how come when i want to finish my thing also cannot sure got trouble de wo...cannot let me just settle up my things. *kill myself*
I'm just felt myself very usefulness. Education is going like rubbish til now never have a diploma yet like learn nothing. Two years after only start a real diploma course even can finish the whole course yet also not sure! Time wasted already two years, there have nothing to me, no education, no working experience, no knowledge. My life after SPM is going like does not have future. I hate myself wasting time, doing usefulness and being like a human had no direction. I don't know why i can accept myself like this human being. I'm really really hate myself!
I'm just feel suffering but i don't know why?! About education, life, or future, who knows? Next Tue going too start diploma course, I'm happy cause I'll study again and getting this diploma but i got some arguing with parent cause the course fees and loan. In the period at home always not fun to mom with little matter. Just under control can't even go out whatever i like or join friends. God ask me still support by family some of thing cannot do in this moment. I had no income already since last year i got work. I think if situation allow me, I'll going to get some part time job to work for my income exclude pocket money while still study. After finish diploma, continue my dream that i wish before, there have three path to let me choose. See whether when that time i got which career to be in. While that time coming I'll feel happy and proud of myself cause finally i have what i want. I wish the time will coming fast so i had no worry like now cause i shouldn't to be an usefulness and lazy human being. Already wasted two years i hate myself even my family won't to accept me. My brother sister already have a good employment and own supporter, can do everything they want no need parent to support.
I'm still remind about my healthy. It's been three years soon. I haven to meet the doctor but i decide will take the operation. When the time come i think I'm very nervous and scare, wonder how i facing this! Another fees to be pay by parent again! I got use them a lots and own them a whole life! I wish the usefulness me will become a good, useful and knowledge human being even a successful women in dream of career. Haha... :-P