Finally I found a way to change my work. It goes according what I think. I found another company. It giving me a new chance to get what I wish to have in my career.

From the beginning, my partner always unlikely and warned me not to be an model or an talent in the model fashion industry as what he think of it's a very dark side of behind of it. For me, it could be a way to build own personality, confidence and image in very own career that people might not believe it. Anyway I tried to get another way into it since he's always there.

Here is the chance. I found this through ifeel magazine, I should thanks ifeel always have the topics which suitable for everyone in stylish and trendy magazine. I browse through this interview about a talent booker under Blivene International. Blivene is a model talent agent under Image Rom. In though of my mind, why not I work a part of them and it could be very interesting job and I will definitely feel fun of it. I sent my resume to the talent booker since a month ago after, I though there were no news but finally a call from Image Rom for an interview. I take it and attend for the interview with the director - Anthony after my currently work finished. I have so many question mark which I wonder why this will be my good chance. Mr. Anthony was very friendly and warm, it just like a casual interview. And he told me Ivylene past me to him and discussed to bring me into a part of them as they found a talent in me. I am very very happy about this. I just seems like this is waiting for me.

Image Rom is a production house giving me  a chance to learn to explore more what they are doing. They have own studio house, casting agent, wardrobe crew, art designer, and production crews. They will offered me to work in few different department and get what I want, I will have my right and interest to choose which should I stay on. I will be a model/talent agent/booker, production crew, or in a new TV commercial project. This kind of offer as I would never imagine to have nor even think of it. It just start as a trainee like a way to explore what they are basically do for their clients. As I have studied and learn from performing art in Segi, here is like a chance to let me experiences the production again. Suddenly let me feel that it's a waste I never finish the diploma and withdraw after one year. Anyway, I could build my path again in this time.

I took about few days to deeply consider for the offer, I'm likely wish to accept the job but I just worry my partner would not allow as he have his own perspective in the industry. Finally he let me choose myself and I took it. Back to Orange Media, I told the manager in the house - Kevin about this. He's easy going help me to informed Eric and I just sent him the resign letter. I am not worry everything but I am worry Eric would let me go or not as he take me in and now I am out. But there is not what I think. He did tried to let me stay and could give me an offer but I don't think the offer will benefit me more than now anyway. I rejected and decided to resign in the first place then he approved. ~Hurray~ One month notice, November I am about to fly out. My new commencement will be on January 2013. It's really what I planned, set my goal, plan my things out, and this is be real now. I can resign from Orange Media. I found another better company and offer. I got to start a new path in my career in 2013. This is just the beginning, there is long way to go and yet.

Firstly, I will feel pity and sorry to my mom as most of the time, I will need to help her after work everyday. Once I got my new job I will not able to help her anymore as I will start and finish work late than usual. But now could be better as she don't need to take care the new baby anymore and she will not be so tiring to take care the two kids who both is pair of brother sister and they both were good enough to be handle. As long as my mom not be so tiring then I will be fine.

A new goal in 2013 I precious wish there will be good path to go.

Wish myself a new journey of life could bring more joyful and successful.

~haha, still early into it. Still at Orange Media, time to go yet. :-)

Pursue your Career in the right way

Some time I feel very proud of my sister brother but also sorry to myself by look forward of their education and career that they pursuing in their life. My sister and my brother are graduated from the same institute and same account holder but different batch/year.

Since my sister graduated, she worked in a logistic company as an accountant and have been promoted as senior executive within 5 years time. In the meant time, she did continue her study in ACCA as part time basic. But now she not graduate yet. After that, she moved to another corporate group - BASF Chemical company as senior group executive for 3 years time if not mistaken till now.

My brother, after graduated had been worked in an advertising company as account executive for few years. He is planning to continue to ACCA certificate but I am not very sure either he did go for it. Then, he also moved to the same company and department as my sister but both are in different group not more than a year.

Currently, they are working in the same corporate group and same department. Some time they will be go to work together and come back home together, so jealous on them. In this year, my sister got promoted again and relocated to Shanghai in a year time for new setup. Now she is there another half year to go, and my brother is still base in Malaysia. And next year soon, after my sister come back, they both might be working together in a same group but different position. ~Haha, my sister will be my brother's senior, higher than him.

I am trying to say that, I am very proud and feel great to them. I had been blocked by my mom to continue my study as an accountant again  after I graduated from high school since there are two accountants in my family. In that case, I have another very different education level like them. Currently, I am non graduate from Diploma in Performing Art due to some innocent reasons of me. Then, have been worked for a period of time and fall in another Diploma in Hospitality Management at Taylor's University. I don't really goes on it actually. Some time I might felt loss in my pathway but now I would rather get another level in career to aim higher without a better education background. I don't blame my mom or my family. It's depends on my hand on, if you would work hard for what you want, you will be better achieve it in your life long. Tell myself don't afraid, take it as a challenge, do it the best, and most important be sure that is what you are looking for and you will be happy with what you got. If you doing something that you don't feel right or sad then stop it, and achieve for something else. Even times flies, but you still have entire life long to get something better till you won't feel regret. I did felt upside down feeling all the way when I pursue on my education but now I don't even feel bad yet cause there is always a chance for you to choose. When you getting old, will also proud of yourself that had achieve and show to your children this is life and guide them to their success in the future. I believe that there is always different chapter of life that everyone will be facing, achieve it better than regret!

Officially Working life begins

A very high dissatisfaction towards this publishing company.

Since the day I joined in this company till now, I have very limited knowledge about the story of this company and the book "Industrial Guide" this company published. There is no one can guide me on my major tasks and my role in this company. Basically I am just a new baby follow according what they want me to do. No related information, No directions, No guideline. Besides that, I am just being a driver (amat) to fetch one of them to meet customers. Learning progress is just very limited basic common knowledge I can get from here. There is no boss sitting in the office, no higher superior actually can give you a guide on what to do and what not to do. Everything is just find out by your own when you need it. Almost everything was seeking approval from the management which is the boss who always not in the office, and not even a superior can assist.

If you ask me what did I have contribute toward this company so far?

My answer is what I did contribute towards this company actually just everyone does.

Now a day, everyone of them are busy for their own tasks, and me?? Do nothing. My table is always tidy and none of working paper or documents on the front area of my table. The only busier moment since I working here where is before Industrial Roadshow was started yet till the show was ended. That time couldn't said that is very busy time till I can't manage to done it well. Basically all my tasks are done well and everything under control. I have no idea what are they actually doing now, besides I have no idea what I have to do or follow up basically. Previously I did some basic documents, prepare clients' brochures for distribute at exhibitions which have contra, fill up exhibitor manual forms before the exhibitions started. Otherwise, I did contribute the most so far for Industrial Roadshow which is organized at different locations outbound of KL. Take care of registration counter, lead part timer to assist me, brings visitor to register and prepare visitor badges for them. Apart of that, assisting to follow up exhibitors' needs, send invitations according to boss requests.

The most hated thing where is I finished the tasks and nothing else to do, waiting for her phone to do what she requested me to do which is make calls to potential visitors but she herself using the phone. Impossible I stone there just to wait, so that I read a magazine then she shoot me "Don’t Read Magazine Again"!! Excuse me, did you manage to give some tasks which I can help in order to wait…You rather busy yourself bring all do it by yourself and I am just waiting and wasting my time there. It's such a terrible, non well organized and improper preparation. And complaining this and that boss this and what that, why don't give a solutions to him so that he can make decisions on the spot.

Next thing could be the foreign colleague who came and help in the show but end ups to not giving help, walk here and there instead. Just need a little favor carry a box from my car into apartment only, "comment" such a stupid old tradition UNCLE, said must request people to help with PLEASE could be more respected to your elderly do not be so no manners to ask people assisting. Excuse me, yea you are older than me and a father with three kids already. So what, who the hell care about this. Just to ask for your help then you want to brings your family in this situation. Hey Excuse me, you are working right now, not coming for Honeymoon la! Wake up la, lazy pig stupid Malay. If I know this I rather carry myself, you just go back and make your dreamland la. People all busy with their own tasks but you are not giving a helps to assisting to get to finish all the things earlier. When I think back of this, I am seriously still very mad of this. I felt offended  seriously to have this kind of colleague working with.

Everyday went in office, no idea is there anything have to do. Sit in the office and do whatever I want. But actually feel very bad feeling towards company.

Waiting and wasting time is apart of my job. Basically what a marketing assistant should do is doesn't related to the tasks that given.

I have a very bad mood. I am not willing to work anymore. Wish to withdraw straight away. The same feeling of last time worked for previous company is coming back again. It's makes me feel uncomfortable and don't use in it. 

Why so hard to have a job which is can full fill a person with joy and comfortable in relations and company. It is the right thing as I told myself actually this is not the right choice, but however I try to go on. In the end, it gave me the result of proving me my right thinking.

I have a think of gives up to work for company and sign up modeling course in Amber Chia Academy then pursue my dream to be well-know model in fashion industry, being a commercial model even till the date will be end after few years. But at least I have learn what I want to do and satisfies what I want in my life. However, there is always a stop point which is my beloved rejected my wanted life, seeking his approval is hard but I wanted to be. Dare to straight go on my wish but he will not being happy as what I do with this. I had told myself if I have a child in the future, I will brings their life more colorful, brings the focus on them to pursue my dream instead.

心血少

I know I have minor headache problem, but normally this is normal.
This January I had an operation to cut off the tumour, it's really successful. I am still all fine till now, I'm being normal as usual like a human.
Recently i felt that my body really getting weak. I'm not really sure what's wrong but the headache caused problem. It's like getting serious.
Last Sunday, in the middle of night suddenly felt my head very pain, feel like want to knock my head to the wall to kill it, once in a while feel like vomit. It's been scared my bf away cause he had looking after me and no idea what's happen to me. Few times he wanted to send me to hospital but i kept quiet till i vomited then i felt getting better so continue to sleep back. Few hours after he woke up prepare for work, he wanted leave me at his home but i refused and went back my home.
Until Wednesday, just right before i wake up headache come again. I though i'll ok so i got up and ready to work. When i was driving get to feel like faint, not in the situation to concentrate so starting to scare it's dangerous. It's time 8am on the way out from Puchong. Finally i make a u-turn back to home, rest till 9am go to clinic cause i really feel something wrong. Waiting for doctor in the moment i make a call to told that i'll MC for half day. Thinking that cause got project to be done before the show. Finally doctor reached, the first in to visit. After checking, doctor couldn't find any symptom/illness but my blood pressure is LOW. I asked 'headache will be a symptom of one kind of illness', the doctor told it might be. First time i check my blood pressure and i starting to worry myself. It is time to have body check, girl.
When i told my bf, he just woke up laying on his bed sms-ing with me. When received my message straight away awake and shocked. Anyway, doctor remind to have a body check when free. I still like normal take my medicine, went to buy brunch, got back home. Ate medicines then rest in the room. Till i woke up nearly 12pm, suppose to go back work but i don't think i can so have to call back office again. Haiz!
The whole Wednesday i stayed home, it was so good to me cause i'm not boring. Played with meimei, no PC for the day.
After the day, my bf started to controlling my habits. Behave myself in foods, excuse me, i don't feel like want to have heavy food already, unless u willing to cook for me la ;P Ask me to exercise, jogging an hour every weekend with him, oh shit, feel like he want tie me up. No coffee onward, i wanted but sorry cause MILO just finished. Anyway i'll reduce coffee taking. All right, i know this boss! This is normal, ok i accept. He said to me, LBP is caused by... ... (I know lo) ... ... (haiz). This he asked his cousin at overseas who's a doctor. I want to say ... alright :( rally have to behave
For my family, i just told my mom and she said to me: Got Brands Chicken Essence don't want to drink keep so long...ok ok i will go grab and finish it. I think there have 10-14 cans ;)

This few days changing my driving attitude. Don't be excited cause i don't think will really 100% change...sshhiiihh(keep ur mouth) Anyway im not really got the fully confidence but i still understand the situation.

Friends, no worries! I'm all right. ;)

心还酸

自以为已经放得下，可是原来更本是不容易的事。

昨天是我爸爸新家安碑的日子，需要去上香拜拜。心情就不以为然地和家人去了一趟。
看那已差不多盖好的房子，他安然的在里面却让我想起了他的存在已不被看见。
离开的时候，心还是不怎么好，总是觉得有点悲伤，结果眼泪却不自然的流了下来。
为了不想让家人发现，只好强忍着把自己的伤感流回心里。

你不知道几时会好
你不知道几时会发觉那已不是什么
你不知道几时会把自己的心是接受事实
更不知道几时会发现已经没事了

唯一最后一张的 全家福



世事无常，珍惜现在最重要。
家人是永远亲近的人，可是不是永远一生的陪伴左右。
幸福而来珍惜当下！

New path to future plan

Final already finished. My 2-year diploma officially finished. The End!
In between i face some problem that i never expected. But luckily i had try my best changing my character to turn it over. In the end, i did it. Now i don't think i have to do this again cause i'm release from there already.
Beside that, i have to thanks my lovely bf that he supported me all the way, especially when i want to give up some time. He got to understand my feeling that i went through and thanks him give me advises that make me feel better. If not him, i don't know who can i refer and understand me!
It's not easy for me to take this diploma but it's not hard as well. Not easy is because of the people i know; Not hard is because the subjects based on more practical typed. It is too bad that i couldn't do well in written. In the final period, my emotion have been effected due to my dad's suddenly leave us.
Honestly, i admitted that i didn't did well especially in written paper. Just, i got my final results stated that i failed my hotel management written paper consists of 6 subjects. I know i can score in financial maths and budgeting accounts, but it's very disappointed me that i couldn't get it well. I think just only this paper had bring my marks down.
I can't blame anyone i can't do anything, the only thing i can do is just accept it.
Anyway, however i still have to proceed to what i want to do.
Either in model career or event planner, i have to plan both together and see how things going then only i will know which prefer the better in my future.
First, i want to find a path to enter model career start with part time．In another way, i find a path to know about wedding planner that very popular career now. After that, i try to work in event planner then get to know this interesting job.

Why i choose this both but not related to my diploma that i studies, cause i don't like to stay in one place and work only. I don't like everyday repeat the same thing, sit in the office doing documents filling. That's not what i want cause it's boring, not interesting at all!
I wish i could pick the right one and success in anyone i also satisfied!
Guys, i wish i can get supported from you all! If can please give me the way! =P

2011 is not a good year

Since New Year till now, there are so many thing happened up and down in between my family, my life,my healthy, my education.

Jan, i had my first operation in my life to remove the tumor in right breast. Luckily it's not critical and i'm be save. But another way, i'm not satisfied cause another tumor in opposite side exist. It couldn't be touched so just let it be. About operation i don't want have again cause it's very scary for me.

CNY this year, can say it's good cause this year we went to visited all relatives' house because have to take down relatives' names for preparation of my brother's wedding guests list. By the way, my dad seems very happy and enjoyable with us and family relatives cause he did joined every occasions. My family had a very enjoyable and happiness reunion this year.

CNY just pasted doesn't mean sad thing have to come, but it's happened.
My dad had pasted away just right after. It's very very shock and i don't even can accept it. The day before i had night class till got home already 9pm plus. I had my dinner then my dad came in and fooling with me, i don't have mood to replied him cause someone make my temper. The next day, i woke up in the morning found out that my parent's room door still closing i though maybe my dad not feeling well having a rest, so i don't care then switch on my shower heater and go to bath. After my mom finished laundry get in to her room and realized that he's already no breathing. She came to me and shouted that my dad's got something wrong so i faster got out from bathroom and run to my dad, he's laying on the bed and got some white liquids came out from his mouth. I run to my mom down stair, she's on the phone to my brother sister and i kept calm her down and i make a call to emergency line. Few mins after my uncle came and my brother came back as well. I was thinking that time my dear should be going to college so i don't know either should i call him but finally i did. We're in very emo and don't know what can do except called our closer family. Then my uncle said went out any clinic invite doctor to come over. After that my sister and brother reached home and we're all just stay beside my dad couldn't say anything. No any doctor willing to come then the ambulants reached, suggested that we have to go police station make a report cause they couldn't do anything else.
The pain that hard to understand when nothing to help ur love one. He is my dad! Beside cry seriously heart is painful till nothing to describe it. I can't accept that my dad just left, is my dad. His voice his attitude his actions not longer can hear and see anymore. I still remember if i wake him up in the morning, he will open his eyes look at me and asked "what's happen"(in cantonese), then i will shake his body till he get out from the bed. When i come back home and he's sitting on his table reading newspaper, he will look at me locked the door and turn around face him, then he will asked "where i went, now only come back"(in cantonese). But now onward, it won't happen again. I won't heard his voice, his loud cough again. I won't see he's sitting on his table or in the living room eating again. I don't even have chance again to have breakfast and dinner with him on Sunday. I don't even can hear his laughter voice again when reunion. Till now, i will still crying when i think of him. I don't have a chance to tell him that I love him!
Next, my dad had left a lots thing to be carry on by us from household to his business. It is the time for my brother to proceed my dad's business finally. The most important and difficult thing is financial problem for family and business. Of cause there's also some conflicts we face but we're still staying claim and cooperate together.
I'm worry about my mom even how i wish she can stay strong and cheerful to continue stay with us, continue enjoy the happiness with us.

Jan-Mac 2011 is my last term of diploma holder. Went through final classes till final exam and final practical. On 25th of March is the result announcement, but then it's not what i want cause i just got Honourable Pass only in between 12-24 marks. I understand it cause i didn't did well in practical and didn't gives too much efforts on it due to i don't have the mood to do it well.

So far, i have to plan out probably what i want to do in the future. And so i want to start my career as soon as possible cause i want to reduce my family spending.
Wish me luck guys!!! =)

Year End Soon

Gonna suck in the exam weeks! It's week 10 and finall assessments!
Calculating failed 2 subjects in the moment, brings down my marks for diploma!
Next year, few more weeks is Term 6 coming soon! Wish hardly is not tough but i don't think so. However i wanna put lots more work on it and bring up my works together always starting my revision of three terms subjects.
Damn sad to getting my diploma!

090910, still remember it ;)~
Almost 3mths+, a million thousand thanks for the giving much to me!
I don't know what to say or what to do else just to repay back but one thing, i have to behave myself which is being violence all the way! Such a very sorry to him a lots! Anyway, he still never scold or angry me!
The other way, he treat me very well! I got no comment about it at all! He will give everything if i want under his limitation!
Eventhough, i have to concern about my family since my mom not so appreciate about me! I have to spend more time with them yet!
Unexpected that i got the right one who caring me much more than myself! I have to try to control myself to being better! As what i promised to myself!

2010 going to end very soon, recently only think wanna do something that i wish to do but not yet done. Anyway, it's not so important in my life but still manage to get it maybe! Finally i went my checked up this month and results proved that both sides got the same thing but it is not serious as what i though! However i decided to take operation will be on next year. First thing to do on the first week of new year and my first time giving out! I'm waiting, I'm worry, I'm scare, I pray hard! It will be my first experience in my life!

I got a listing out! hehe ;P
http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages#!/note.php?note_id=478392378983

Admit it

I feel great this time!
Last entries i mentioned about something happened and now it's really be true!
That time i remembered that he asked me to stay back til he finished his training and go back KL together. Since i'm already bought ticket to go back on time but i did say yes also to go back penang again. Which mean on the same time i meant to accepted. I remember the way when we going to get it's happened in penang. Thanks a lots that giving me in such a way. I felt some weird in the beginning but he did brings it up afterward and make me feel better. I think i get what i wishing for. I feel that i get respect, loving and caring from him. Even though he may not perfect at all but he will do it best in his way out.

Really thanks for his concern!
Appreciated his understanding!
Appreciated his respecting!
Thanks for his loving and caring!
I did meant it to him!

When i spinning my mind to him i just couldn't stop it, or else i have to get something to do! ;) I feel that's great ever i have from him! I won't take it in the far future but i mean it in the moment right now.
Thanks dear! ~miss~

The end of ~P~

I'm stuck now cause feel like not going back yet. Ticket already bought on 14th flight, just right after two days finish training. BUT there's something happened change my mind wanted to stay longer. I don't know...anyway still have to go back also.
It's happen due to outsider already realized that and keep mention it, til i even have to admit it's happen. I pretend to not do any move but he also the same. I have to take the first move again this time. If not i will keep thinking and thinking til my patient limit comes. I told myself want to have this kind of friend but it's turns to over of it. Do i really have to admit and accept he's younger than me...
Now, i'm counting day not because wanna go back soon, is because how many days left here! Just since yesterday he mentioned something that let me feel there's something going to change between us but nothing prove with it.
I'm suffer.......
I'm scare.......
I'm thinking here and there.......